Archive for the 'Grief' Category

Dealing with Change

Posted by Holly Stokes on October 7th, 2014

Recently I visited Portland, where I lived for 6 years.

It was an emotional experience, seeing the beauty of the place, visiting my old haunts and seeing friends. And it was a realization that that time was over. It will never be the same.

When we have segments of life that we really enjoy, it’s hard to not look back and pine for what was. But if we keep looking back, we get stuck in the past and we cannot create a future. And we can get stuck in loss.

How do you deal with change?

Guaranteed life will change. Sometimes life is like a roller coaster ride. There are ups and downs, screams of terror, screams of joy and it keeps changing. Sometimes it does whoop de doos and sometimes it goes upside down, but it’s all part of the ride.

Whether it’s a change in relationships, change in a job, change in family or friendships and circumstance, it just keeps changing.

You can have the essence of what you had. You can find love again, you can have a home again, you can have comfort, you can have beauty, you can have friendships. Just allow the faces to change.  Imagine gathering up the essence of what you really enjoyed and imagine sprinkle it out into your future.

As you imagine what you want, you tune your brain to be aware of it, to find the essence of it and with that awareness you are able to scoop up the opportunities as they come.

Is there a time in your past that you long for? Is there something you feel you’ve left behind? Give the essence of it an image and carry it with you or set it out in your future.

“If you want something bad enough, all the world will conspire to bring it to you.” – Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist.

When you get clear about the essence of what you want, you can find it. What do you want to show up in your future?

Powerful NLP Process to Transform Depression

Posted by Holly Stokes on May 4th, 2012

In Neuro- Linguistic Programming (NLP) we think of depression as a mental habit rather than a disease.

Now a mental habit sounds fairly simple to change, right? Well, yes and no. What we know now in how the brain works, we can help it set up a new mental habit very quickly, yet emotions can be tricky, they can range from simple to very complicated.

At the simple level, we have emotional habits, like feeling stressed when you open up your mail or pay your bills. Then we have emotional associations, like the emotions that different foods have, such as the feeling of warmth and family that comes with pumpkin pie.

Then, we have emotions as messengers, giving us useful information about our lives and how to find greater happiness and well being.

Emotions can also indicate automatic thought patterns that are working against us. Rather than avoiding, denying or cutting off these negative emotions, its even more useful to identify what is causing or triggering the feeling, and then change it at the underlying level.

Emotions are messengers

Emotions are messengers giving us important (more…)

Releasing Grief

Posted by Holly Stokes on February 15th, 2012

Though people may pass to the other side, they are never really gone. We can release grief by presencing those with us and recognizing that our connections continue even though people may no longer be physically present in our lives. Give yourself some quiet space to go through the steps of this process.

Imagine seeing the person in front of you, and feel a ray of light shine from your heart to their heart and feel the light come back again. Letting the light fill all the spaces, letting only the love and light that you share fill into those places in your heart. Knowing that you are connected, you are supported, and that your connection continues.

Here is an NLP tool for presence-ing those connections. Line out four places on the floor in a square, and as you physically step through each place, this will cue your brain into another perspective. This pattern is also great for communication in general.

Step 1: See the other person standing in front of you, and (more…)