The REAL Secret

Posted by Holly Stokes on October 7th, 2011

Motivation is a key to your success. But how do you get motivated? How do you tap into your deeper self and engage your inner drive?

Chances are you’ve been holding yourself hostage with your goal, thinking you can’t feel good about yourself, or feel accomplished, until you’ve achieved the goal. No wonder you feel frustrated!

The real secret behind your goal is – it’s not really about the goal! Ask the magic question: What is this going to get for me? As you answer this question, ask this question again. Keep asking the question until you follow your answers to your plan’s higher purpose, or a ‘sense of something.’ You will find that your goal is really about a feeling, the higher purpose of your goal. And here is the secret behind the plan’s higher feeling: you don’t have to wait until you’ve achieved the goal to connect with this feeling. You can have it now!

In order to keep yourself moving forward, connect with the positive feelings you are really looking for, or what you think the goal or plan will bring you. For example, if your higher purpose of the goal (losing weight) is to feel better about you, as you focus on feeling better about you now, you’ll be more inspired to make the healthy choices that nourish and support you. The secret is, we don’t have to do anything to connect with these positive feelings – we can connect with these positive feelings now!

Many of us tend to have negative habits in how we see ourselves. For example, when you look in a mirror, what do you think to yourself? You might notice your imperfections or focus on what you don’t like. You may criticize and belittle yourself, and then expect to be motivated when you just undercut your own efforts. How do you feel when you are criticized? It probably makes you shrink back, feel small and withdrawn. Criticism saps your energy and causes you to feel down or depressed. If you are creating self-resentment through criticism, you are destroying your own motivation.

Now notice the times you were encouraged, supported and appreciated for your efforts. Were you motivated to do more, even excited and enthused? Did you stand a little taller, feel more positive and inspired to reach out beyond your old comfort zone?

As you notice what you are doing well, and appreciate yourself and your body, you will have more fuel for staying on track and motivated. If you want to find more motivation and enthusiasm for the change you are making, focus on the positives. To connect with the positive emotions you are truly looking for, you don’t have to do anything, you can feel them even as quickly as thinking about it!

This is an excerpt from my book, Lighten Up Train your Brain to Lose Weight, see more details here:

A Funny Thing Happened On the Trail of Life

Posted by Holly Stokes on October 14th, 2010

Funny story I thought I’d share from my days as a backpacker.

I was working with a teen  wilderness therapy program. We were out on the desert in the wilds of Utah. As staff we were there a week at a time and the kids were out there anywhere from a few weeks to months. In some ways it was a pretty intensive program, and in other ways life got really simple.

Each of the kids had a tarp for shelter and all their gear would roll up in the tarp, which they would then tie up into a bundle and then thread seat belt webbing through to make a backpack. Every morning we would tear down the shelters, roll up our packs and hit the trail for anywhere between 2-10 miles. When we arrived at our campsite for the day, we would unpack and make camp.

In the middle of nowhere, the desert of  Utah, there was a stillness there that spoke to the soul. A deep quiet so strong and peaceful it is my belief that this desert magic could soothe the confusion and the difficulties of the teens who came.

So, we pack up as usual like so many days before, as we are hiking, one of the students, lets call him Mike was just really tired and struggling.

Me: Hey Mike, Hows it going?

Mike: Oh, I don’t know what it is, my pack is so heavy today

Me: Hmm, maybe you are just more tired today.

Mike: yeah, maybe it just feels so heavy.

Me: Well, hang in there, we’ve only a couple more miles to go.

The last couple of miles Mike looked tired and worn. He was a good hiker but the trail today was really wearing on him.

Finally, we arrived at our campsite for the night. Everyone began unrolling their backpacks, we heard Mike shout  “No wonder!” as he stood over his bundle of possessions. I came over to see what he was talking about.

There, nestled between his socks and an extra pair of pants was a big fat rock. We are not talking a handsized rock, we are talking about a sizeable two handed 10 lb. rock about the size of a large grapefruit! We used rocks to secure the sides of the shelter, and that morning while he was packing up, it must have gotten buried among his clothes or he got distracted in tearing down the tent tarp.

As you think about it, what a great metaphor for life. How many times have we hiked around in our life with giant rocks in our backpack? Old ideas and thought patterns that weigh us down and hold us back?

What’s in your backpack?

Roadmap to Success!

Posted by Holly Stokes on May 7th, 2010

Creating Your Roadmap to Success. What is your next level of success? Would you like to step into your next level? In life, health, or business, the principles of creating change are the same. Create your Roadmap to Success with this NLP process designed to give you insight into each level of change that you need to address in order to create what you want in your life now.

As you answer each of the levels, you’ll find practical strategies for making it happen, create internal alignment to having it, and adjust your internal radar to making it real in your life.

Identify what you would like to have, be, or accomplish, and state it in positive language. For example, I want to boost my sales 20%. What do you want?

Then walk through this exercise, noticing the insight from each level of change. I recommend writing your insights down as you go through which will give you a roadmap to getting there.
”    What would you need to change in your environment to have this?
”    What behaviors would need to change to support this?
”    What capabilities or resources would you need to change?
”    What beliefs might you need to shift?
”    What values would you need to change to have this?
”    How might you shift in identity to align with this having? Who will you be when you have achieved this?
”    Who else would be affected by it? Who else will benefit from you having this change? Friends, family, people they influence?  Imagine taking it on fully, as if you have it now, then bringing this higher awareness back with you through each level with you, notice what else is shifting for you through each level.
”    What has shifted in your identity to take this on?
”    What has shifted in your values to take this on?
”    What has shifted in your beliefs?
”    What has shifted in your capabilities or resources?
”    What has shifted in your behaviors?
”    What has shifted in your environment?

This is called, Neuro-Logical levels of Change, and is based on Gregory Bateson’s work of integrating change.
Stop struggling! It’s time to be working smarter! Yes – You can have the life, body, and business you want, and with practical tools, you can make it happen one step at a time! What’s your next level? Share your goals with us:

Are You Spinning Your Wheels?

Posted by admin on January 22nd, 2010

By Holly Stokes, The Work Smart Wellness Coach

Do you feel like you are caught in the hamster wheel of life? Spinning your wheels and seeming to get nowhere? All too often, however, the good intentions we make with goals slowly fade and are gone within a week or two. If when you hear “goal setting” you think of hard work, (more…)

Rethink your Possibilities

Posted by admin on January 22nd, 2010

It’s time to rethink your possibilities. We are living in a very exciting time, when the boundaries of our world are constantly being tested and redefined. Old ideas and beliefs about the world and who we are in it are rapidly changing and new possibilities are presenting themselves. There are examples of all extremes present in every facet of life. Even during times of recession, there are examples of those who are struggling as well as examples of those who are doing very well. The money doesn’t just go away (more…)